You Can’t Chaperone Crazy

Elle: Breathe.

Ginger: I CANNOT BREATHE!!!! HE IS NEAR!!!!

Ruby: I know he’s in the city. You still need to breathe.

Ginger: SOMEWHERE IN THIS CITY, THIS VERY NIGHT, HE IS THINKING ABOUT ME!!!

Elle: Doubt it. Unless you mean he’s thinking about the multitudes of mildly crazy fans he’s about to meet this weekend.

Ruby: Please breathe?

Ginger: …fine. But only because you said ‘please.’

Ruby: Let’s go over this again…

Ginger: YES. LET US GO OVER………THE PLAN.

Ruby: Yeah, I’m taking away your Batman earrings.

Ginger: Aw!

Elle: You have your tickets to the convention.

Ginger: I do!

Ruby: You have your items that you wish to get autographed by famous people at the convention.

Ginger: I do!

Elle: You have something for lunch in your bag?

Ginger: I do!

Ruby: Something other than gummi worms and Chex Mix?

Ginger: I…can pick something up!

Ruby: You have your water bottle?

Ginger: I do!

Elle: And it’s filled with water, not a sugary drink mix?

Ginger: I will say that I do if that’s what you want me to say!

Ruby: …I’ll accept it.

Elle: Yeah, that’s the best we’ll get for now.You have comfortable shoes? You’ll be standing in a lot of lines this weekend.

Ginger: I do!

Ruby: You’re ready to do this?

Ginger: I AM!

Elle: I’m a little scared.

Ruby: Okay then. Tell me what we agreed the plan is.

Ginger: I WILL GO TO THE CONVENTION; I WILL MEET NATHAN FILLION. I WILL NOT PROPOSE TO HIM. I WILL GET HIS AUTOGRAPH. YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO BAIL ME OUT OF JAIL. HE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. WE WILL GET MARRIED ON HIS SPACESHIP.

Ruby: Wait – no! That’s not the plan!

Ginger: HE WILL BE SO HAPPY TO SEE ME HE WILL MAKE TIME STAND STILL WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND.

Elle: GINGER! STOP! YOU’RE GOING OFF THE DEEP END!

Ginger: WE WILL NEVER BE STOPPED! OUR LOVE WILL BE SO GREAT WE WILL EXPLODE INTO TINY STARS THAT REPOPULATE THE SKIES WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS AND ALL WILL REMEMBER US FOREVER AND EVER AS THE TRUEST OF THE TRUE LOVES!!! BALLADS WILL BE WRITTEN ABOUT OUR LOVE!!!

Ruby: …darn. I guess I’ll have to tell Christian Kane you’re not interested.

Elle: I’ll let…um…Dean Winchester know.

Ruby: He’s fictional.

Elle: Like that matters at this point?

Ginger: CHILDREN WILL – wait, what?

Ruby: Nothing.

Ginger: I…know what you’re doing. You’re trying to distract me by suggesting others are interested in holding my hand on the beach.

Elle: …is that your definition of true love?

Ginger: …is that not the normal definition of true love?

Ruby: That is…absolutely a normal definition of true love.

Ginger: Okay, then, why did you question it?

Ruby: She was…trying to… Look! My keys have a laser pointer on them!

Ginger: I’m not that easily distracted, Ruby.

Ruby: I’m turning on the laser now, Ginger…

Ginger: OOH! IT MAKES A LASER RAY GUN SOUND!!!!

Elle: …yeah, you’re going to have to chaperone her to the convention. Otherwise, who knows what she’ll get into? Or how much she’ll spend?

Ruby: For all we know, she’d come home with job offers or something crazy like that.

Elle: Isn’t Nerd-vana exactly her ideal workplace?

Ruby: Don’t you think we should worry about protecting the conventions from her?

Ginger: Ruby, do you think Fly will mind if I re-arrange his movies for him? His are all in some weird hodgepodge of insanity – he has his Terminator movies all out of order and mixed in with the Pixar movies, which are out of chronological order.

Elle: …good point.

Ruby: Ginger – leave the movies alone! Fly has his own method of…wait…he doesn’t even OWN the Terminator movies! Did you put more movies on the shelf in an effort to thwart his organizational method again?!

Elle: …maybe I should chaperone you both…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s