Gotta Krampus?

Ginger: Are you decking the halls with boughs of holly?

Ruby: My husband has severe allergies to boughs of holly. So. No.

Ginger: Are you being jolly? Tis the season, after all.

Ruby: Am I not always jolly?

Ginger: I never thought to use that word to describe you…

Ruby: Well, now I’m insulted. You’ve insulted the jolly right out of me.

Ginger: …I don’t think jolly can be insulted out of someone.

Ruby: Why are you asking me questions you are clearly taking directly from a Christmas carol?

Ginger: If you answer ‘no’ to enough of these questions, I’m hoping you’ll take me to see a movie.

Ruby: I’m not taking you to see Krampus.

Ginger: …what if I take you?

Ruby: Don’t you have brothers who will see it with you?

Ginger: Yes and we have our tickets and we’re all as excited as ever to see it, but that’s why I don’t want you to miss out on the amazingness of it all.

Ruby: I think I can live without seeing the anti-Santa Claus try to kill a bunch of people in a house together.

Ginger: You think you can. But that’s where you are wrong. You cannot.

Ruby: You’re just going to have to get over this, Ginger. I’m not going to see the movie.

Ginger: But what if I promise to buy you popcorn and I’ll tell you when you can uncover your eyes?

Ruby: …did you get your tickets for Star Wars yet?

Ginger: Ages ago. Back to Krampus.

Ruby: What if I deck one hall with a single bough of plastic, unscented holly and I promise to be extra jolly for a whole week and I bring you some figgy pudding and I even implement a Silent Night once a week until the new year? Then can I skip Krampus and the nightmares I’ll have afterwards?

Ginger: Will you bring me some figgy pudding and bring it right here?

Ruby: I know you won’t go until you get some. So. Yes.

Ginger: …what’s in figgy pudding again?

Ruby: I would assume figs and pudding. But it’s British cuisine, so, there’s probably something in there we wouldn’t associate with fig pudding.

Ginger: True. When I see Krampus, will you let me tell you all about it?

Ruby: Only if you eat fig pudding while you discuss the integral plot points.

Ginger: …before I agree to this, we need to look up a recipe for figgy pudding.

Ruby: Nope. You have to agree now or not at all.

Ginger: …I think your jolly came back.

Ruby: I think so, too.


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