Ruby: Good morning, this is – oh, hi, Ginger. How is 2016 treating you so far?
Ginger: If I said I fell out of bed this morning, would you laugh at me or offer sympathy?
Ruby: Is this a hypothetical question, or did you fall out of bed this morning?
Ginger: Just answer the question.
Ruby: Are you injured in this not-quite-a-hypothetical-question?
Ginger: If I had fallen out of bed this morning, I might have injured my elbow or a rib or my knee.
Ruby: Did you fall out of bed this morning?
Ginger: You are a very suspicious person. Answer the question.
Ruby: Did you do bodily injury to yourself this morning?
Ginger: That is entirely unrelated to the original question that you need to answer.
Ruby: How did you injure yourself this morning?
Ginger: You didn’t answer my question yet.
Ruby: That is a true statement.
Ruby: Well, what?
Ginger: What if I have frostbite?
Ruby: On your elbow or rib or knee?
Ginger: I didn’t fall out of bed this morning.
Ruby: Did you fall out of bed yesterday morning?
Ginger: I didn’t fall out of bed this year.
Ruby: When you injured yourself, did you ice the injured rib or elbow or knee?
Ginger: If I injured myself, I would have iced the injured area. Unless it was frostbite.
Ginger: Look, would I get sympathy or mockery?
Ruby: What if I offer mockery, but Fly offers sympathy?
Ginger: Can’t I have it the other way around?
Ruby: Not today, my sympathy well is running dry. You’ll have to wait for the surplus to build up again.
Ginger: Who did you use your sympathy on already?
Ruby: You, when you told me you needed me to be sympathetic to the fact your fridge was empty because you neglected to go grocery shopping.
Ginger: That was your entire surplus for the full year??
Ruby: What can I say? My new year’s resolution was to become a cold-hearted crazy person. Fly supported me in it.
Ginger: That’s because you cook dinner more often than him and he knew a cold-hearted crazy person would poison his meals. Wait, so, the final statement was “no sympathy, only mockery?”
Ruby: For falling out of bed? Yes.
Ginger: Well, then I’ll go tell my manager she can only expect mockery.
Ruby: Wait – your manager fell out of bed?
Ginger: No, she went skiing in the week between Christmas and New Year’s and fell out of the ski lift when she nodded off due to the jet lag and then got frostbite on her fingers when it took too long for the ski patrol people to find her.
Ruby: GINGER THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING!!!!
Ginger: So, she gets sympathy for that, but because I was dreaming that a giant chicken was chasing me into Trafalgar Square and I woke up on the floor with a bruise on my elbow, everyone gets to laugh at me??
Ruby: WHICH OF THOSE STORIES IS TRUE?
Ginger: Neither, but I wanted to make sure for the next time.
Ruby: I’m………hanging up on you now.
Ginger: You probably shouldn’t yell like that in the office. People are probably staring at you.
Ruby: You are the reason I work from home more often.
Ginger: I think this is going to be a good year…