Unraveling Knitting Troubles

Ginger: …and then, he held out his hands to me – to me, Ruby! – and said “we met this morning, didn’t we?” and I placed my hands in his and said “yes, we did,” and he led me to the spot where we were supposed to stand and said “remind me of your name?” in this endearing and charming voice and so I told him and I managed to ask him for the cheesy prom pose and he said “absolutely” and he turned me and held me in his arms and—

Ruby: Ginger, you have told me about your photo op with Nathan Fillion about fifty seven times since it happened. I know the story by heart now.

Ginger: Well, you should stop bringing it up then.

Ruby: All I said was ‘do you need another coffee before we head back to my house?’

Ginger: …if that’s not a lead into the story, I don’t know what is.

Ruby: I know you don’t know what is, that’s why—oh, hi, Fly! I didn’t know you were home yet!

Fly: …are those shopping bags full of tribbles?

Ginger: You were right, Rubes. He is a suspicious sort.

Ruby: Why would you ask if they’re tribbles?

Fly: Because they say “House of Yarn” on them and you texted me this morning about a sale at the House of Yarn.

Ginger: Spoiler Alert, Fly – the house is not made of yarn. It only sells yarn. The name is a misnomer.

Fly: Thank you, Ginger.

Ginger: I just wanted to make sure you were clear.

Fly: I appreciate that.

Ruby: When I texted you this morning, I was hoping you’d either tell me to just go ahead or that I didn’t need more yarn. I was hoping you would be a guiding light.

Fly: Instead, because I was in surgery and couldn’t answer my phone, you allowed yourself to follow a different guiding light…?

Ginger: The mother ship called her home. It was a beautiful sight to see.

Ruby: I’m not sure you’re helping, Ginger…

Ginger: Sure I am. Who doesn’t like mother ships calling home lost children?

Ruby: You’re calling me an alien.

Ginger: …is that not a good thing?

Ruby: When is calling someone an alien a good thing?

Ginger: E.T. was a good alien. Superman is an alien and he does good, so—

Ruby: Superman never gets called home. His home was destroyed!

Fly: We’re getting off-subject…

Ginger: Fly, I would prefer it if you didn’t interrupt conversations of significant importance. Ruby, I started with E.T. He was called home.

Ruby: No, E.T. phoned home. He had to call home on his own. The mother ship didn’t call for him.

Fly: Could I just—

Ruby: Fly, this will take one second. Here, look at this pattern I want to try while we wrap this up… Ginger, getting called home by the mother ship is not really a metaphor I want applied to times I go to the yarn store.

Ginger: I see no issue with alien mother ships calling home a lost one. And you don’t know that the mother ship wasn’t out looking for E.T. Sort of like a mother who loses her child in the mall – there are lots of places where little Hamish could be waiting. The toy store, the ice cream store, the book store, the computer store…

Ruby: Okay, first? Stop trying to name my child Hamish – I’ve told you it’s not even on the second string list!

Ginger: I can’t help it if your son wants to go by the name Hamish! Maybe you should take it up with him!

Ruby: And second! E.T. sent a signal to a specific point in space – his home planet! He didn’t stand in the middle of the mall yelling “MOMMY!”

Fly: Y’know what?

Ginger: He called home to say “If Mom stops by, I’m over by the ice cream store!”

Ruby: Why, because every kid just sits by the ice cream store waiting for his mother?

Ginger: Wouldn’t you? You get to eat ice cream until Mom finds you. This wouldn’t happen if you would just establish an emergency meeting place with Hamish so that if he wanders off, you can both know to meet up at the arcade. Now he has a bellyache, a sugar high and the geraniums are dying. Now what, Ruby? Now what?

Fly: Ruby?

Ruby: No, Fly, we’re not naming our son Hamish. Ginger just has this crazy idea and brings it up from time to time.

Ginger: Ooh! Or Herschel! If you have twins, you could name them Herschel and Hamish! I bet Herschel would remember to wait by the arcade for you.

Ruby: He probably would. He gets good grades, but you know I just want him to come out of his shell from time to time…

Fly: Just…flood the house with tribbles. I’m going upstairs to lie down. Can you wake me when the crock pot chili is done?

Ruby: Yes, honey, of course. Get some rest. What did you think of the pattern?

Fly: Do you have enough yellow yarn?

Ginger: Three different shades.

Fly: From now on, just go ahead and get a ton of yarn in different colors when it’s on sale, so you can do whatever you want when you find a new thing you want to try.

Ruby: Get some rest, Fly. I’ll wake you for chili.

Ginger: …is he upstairs now?

Ruby: Yup.

Ginger: I told you that would work.

Ruby: I think it’s more frightening that you knew it would work.

Ginger: I’ve tried it before.

Ruby: I need to review that unicorn journal of yours.

Ginger: Sign the contract agreeing to name your children Hamish and Herschel and you can have a photocopy of every page.

Ruby: Very tempting…


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