Kansas Residents Will Probably Hate This Post.

Ruby: Good afternoon, this is…..hi, Ginger.

Ginger: What should I eat for lunch today?

Ruby: Food. You know this doesn’t qualify as a good reason to call me at work, right?

Ginger: What are you eating for lunch today?

Ruby: Are you asking me to meet you for lunch today?

Ginger: Well, if you want to meet up for lunch, there’s a bakery that just opened and it’s pretty much halfway between our offices.

Ruby: Bakery?

Ginger: Yes. I think it’s called Cher à Sucre.

Ruby: Of course. And they sell lunch items?

Ginger: The French are very lunch-savvy.

Ruby: I need to have something for lunch other than cookies, Ginger.

Ginger: …………………..why?

Ruby: Fly claims I should eat vegetables once in a while.

Ginger: That is so weird. It must be a Kansas thing.

Ruby: I think it’s a doctor thing.

Ginger: I was going with Kansas because they have a lot of corn, and telling people to eat vegetables – such as corn – would be a good way to ensure the corn is always in demand.

Ruby: Yeah, Fly’s not from that part of Kansas. He also has no connection to that industry, except that he eats vegetables – including corn.

Ginger: So he says. I saw Kansas on a map once. It had a giant smiling corncob and a star in Topeka. Clearly, that’s all that is in Kansas – corn and one single star in Topeka.

Ruby: Clearly. Was there an arrow that pointed to “Fly’s House” on this map?

Ginger: No, silly. There was not. Smiling corncobs are terrible with directions. And this was before GPS.

Ruby: So you can’t be sure that the smiling corncob wasn’t already lost. Maybe it thought it was chilling in Nebraska.

Ginger: I doubt it. Everyone knows that smiling corncobs are scared of Nebraska – they get munched on by cattle in Nebraska.

Ruby: Maybe it thought it was in Iowa or Illinois, then. I’ve seen entire fields of corn on the cob in both of those states.

Ginger: …okay, clearly, the smiling corncob is not as reliable as it thinks it is. But there’s a lot of corn in Kansas. You have to admit to that.

Ruby: I will admit that. But only when you admit there’s more than just corn and Topeka in Kansas.

Ginger: Okay, I’ll admit that.

Ruby: Say it out loud.

Ginger: I admit there’s more than just corn and Topeka in the whole state of Kansas. There’s also a lost smiling corncob and the house Fly grew up in, which will soon be made into a museum dedicated to memorializing Fly’s accomplishments in life – one of which is, of course, marrying you.

Ruby: Out of curiosity, what are the other things you believe to be accomplishments in his life? He and I have our lists, but I’m really curious what you have in this museum.

Ginger: Well, I’m not exactly the curator, Ruby. I haven’t been through the whole museum. It takes up roughly 82,000 square miles.

Ruby: Wow. That is quite an expansive museum. It takes up most of the state of Kansas, by the sound of it.

Ginger: I know. It includes the hotel wings for visitors and several restaurants located conveniently every few miles so the tram can stop and let museum visitors get out and enjoy the themed foods.

Ruby: Well, you clearly have some further planning of this blatant lie ahead of you. Maybe you can stop by for dinner and go over the brochures I can practically hear you drawing up this moment.

Ginger: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll see you tonight – what are we going to have for dinner?

Ruby: I hadn’t planned yet, but now I think it’ll be some corned beef, with cornbread and creamed corn. After I tell him about this, I’m sure Fly will be feeling nostalgic for food that reminds him of home.

Ginger: …I feel like you’re mocking me.

Ruby: Me? Mock you? No…I’m sure you’re just paranoid due to hunger. You might want to eat something for lunch.

Ginger: Oh, yeah…but now if I’m going to draw those brochures, I won’t be able to eat at Cher à Sucre with you. We’ll have to make plans for another time.

Ruby: I think I’ll live.


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