Ruby: Good morning, this is…Ginger, I can’t talk right now – I have real work to do.
Ginger: Then why did you answer the phone?
Ruby: Because I thought you were someone else, now I’m going to hang up because I’m doing real work. We’ll talk later, okay?
Ginger: No, this is important – if you hang up on me, I’ll email and text you repeatedly and distract you from your supposed ‘real work’ until you give up and answer me.
Ruby: …how long will this take?
Ginger: The sooner you let me start, the sooner you can let me go.
Ruby: Fine. What is it?
Ginger: I’m trying to update a report with someone’s handwritten notes and she’s out of the office today and I need to do it today, so I need you to help me on just one or two of these.
Ruby: How will I help over the phone if they’re handwritten notes?
Ginger: Trust me. You’ll help.
Ruby: Fine. Hit me.
Ginger: Okay, the first note is under the heading “Facility Maintenance.” Keep that in mind.
Ruby: Fine, let’s go, what is it?
Ginger: I’m reading “human sesame spiffy crotch game.”
Ruby: …….I’m sorry, what?
Ginger: That’s, honestly, the best I can offer you.
Ruby: Let’s come back to that.
Ginger: Okay, under the heading “Orientation,” it says “self water quote.”
Ruby: That’s…obviously…an attempt to…estimate one’s personal water usage.
Ginger: Why is it under “Orientation?”
Ruby: Well, when one is…being introduced to a…new…facility of sorts…the estimation of one’s personal water usage…is….necessary to balance…future…water bills.
Ginger: What is “bark independence with spiffy topic seduces,” then?
Ruby: This report uses the word “spiffy” a lot. Are you sure you’re using the right letters?
Ginger: What else could it be? Spilly? Spissy? OH! It’s “SPECIFY!”
Ruby: Okay. That’s…interesting…
Ginger: “Bark independence with specify topic seduces!”
Ruby: That didn’t really clear anything up.
Ginger: “Human sesame specify crotch game!”
Ruby: I don’t even want to touch that. Or ever hear that again. Ever.
Ruby: Okay, look, I have to get going…
Ginger: Um, Ruby?
Ginger: How are streets named?
Ruby: This is what I do not have any time for, Ginger.
Ginger: I’m pretty sure this address says “Nathan Ford Road.”
Ginger: Nathan Ford was Timothy Hutton’s character on Leverage.
Ruby: …okay, now your question makes sense.
Ginger: Did someone love the show so much they named roads in this small town after Leverage characters? Does Nathan Ford Road intersect Sophie Devereaux Boulevard?
Ruby: …it probably connects Hardison Way with Parker Lane.
Ginger: And Eliot Drive is that unpaved gravel track that leads to a cabin deep in the woods with a soundproofed “garage.”
Ruby: But the cabin’s kitchen is gorgeous and the knives are always sharp.
Ginger: The “no trespassing” signs are not to be dismissed easily.
Ruby: That goes without saying…
Ginger: And there’s Bonanno Plaza.
Ruby: Chaos Dump?
Ginger: Badger Hollow…
Ruby: Except his name was Sterling on Leverage.
Ginger: …Archer lives in Badger Hollow?
Ruby: THIS IS WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! You drew me in with an actual work problem that you claimed you needed assistance with and then, somehow, you magically got me off-track and arguing about insane illogical leaps of fancy from one TV show to the next! I’m done and I’m hanging up on you!
Ginger: You can’t be done! You still haven’t solved the mystery of “Bark independence with specify topic seduces!”
Ruby: I can be done and I am!
Ginger: BUT IF THERE’S A NATHAN FORD ROAD, IS THERE ALSO A FLYNN CARSEN STREET?!
Ruby: ………………….well, obviously, there is. But it’s the main thoroughfare that connects to Jacob Stone Drive, which is where Eliot Drive becomes the paved road and all the other Librarian streets are.
Ginger: Thank you.
Ruby: Please let me get back to my real work now?
Ginger: OH! “Back independence while specify total sums!”
Ruby: …I’m hanging up.
Ginger: I don’t blame you.