General Hedgehog, Prepare For Battle…

Ruby: This is the best show I’ve ever seen.

Ginger: I still can’t believe he’s the younger brother. He’s taller.

Ruby: Why does that make any difference? All of your brothers are taller than you and more than half of them are younger than you.

Ginger: I fail to see your point.

Ruby: So, should I start dinner?

Ginger: There’s no pause on this show, Ruby. Order pizza.


Ruby: Seriously? You decided his name is ‘Spider’?

Ginger: Well, Thai names are hard to remember and your husband was already named Fly.

Spider: FINE! Milkshake the cow is fortifying my hold on the coffee table of Western Australia! ROLL THE DICE, FLY!


Ruby: I’m so sorry I missed the opening of this game.

Ginger: I can’t believe I died so early in the game.

Ruby: Well, admittedly, this is how they used to play Risk as kids…only with G.I. Joe and Star Wars action figures instead of Webkinz and hand-knit hedgehogs. Their mother has pictures of the entire living room re-arranged to become a full-scale map of the Risk board.

Ginger: Did you know El Presidenté Fly-issimo was amassing an entire army when he kept asking you to knit more hedgehogs?

Ruby: It took me by surprise. I admit it.

Fly: Troops, the General and I have reviewed our current assets and conquered territories – sorry, Ginger…

Ginger: The Browncoats will rise again!

Ruby: Not in this game…

Ginger: Rubes! Not in front of the Mal action figure!

Ruby: My deepest apologies to the plastic mold of Mal Reynolds.

Fly: If I may continue?

Ruby: By all means…

Fly: Thank you. Troops – we will be attacking. Many of you may not come back with all your stuffing in place. Some of you will face hardships untold. All of you will be heroes to future hedgehogs – there will be songs sung in your honor.

Ginger: Aim to misbehave!

Ruby: Wrong army.

Ginger: Sorry.

Fly: General Hedgehog, lead the attack.

Ruby: Where’s his Secret Mission Card? I want to see how close he is to wrapping this up.

Ginger: Spider didn’t want to play with the Secret Mission Cards, so I offered to write some new ones just for this game.

Ruby: Really?

Ginger: Yeah. So, part of each Secret Mission was to hide the Secret Mission Card within their originating territory and then if another player finds the Secret Mission Card, the Secret Mission part of the game is forfeit.

Ruby: Seriously?

Ginger: Yeah. That’s probably why I lost so early on…I was kind of obsessed with finding Spider’s Secret Mission. In uncharted space.

Spider: Seriously – the entire game takes place on EARTH.

Ruby: Nothing Ginger does remains entirely on earth.

Fly: This is true. She tried to launch her army on a spaceship into infiltrate the Australasia corner.

Spider: We managed to convince her troops to mutiny.

Ruby: That doesn’t happen in Risk!

Fly: I don’t think you’ve played Risk with Ginger before.

Spider: You’d be surprised how quickly her troops were willing to mutiny.

Ruby: No. No, I wouldn’t.

Ginger: I was surprised.

Ruby: So, how close are we to wrapping up this game? I’d like to take a shot at winning my own living room.

Fly: If Spider would hand over the dice, I could end this in a flash.

Spider: It’s EMPEROR SPIDER, El Presidenté Fly-issimo! The dice are held hostage until you acknowledge my title!

Ruby: Yeah…this is the best show I’ve ever seen.


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