The End of the Spontaneous Road Adventure

*ba-dink*

Ruby: Okay, she says she’s near a blue house.

Fly: That helps.

Ruby: It’s more helpful than the last text that said she saw a tree.

Fly: Out of curiosity, why didn’t we put a tracker on her when we realized she could do something like this?

Ruby: I didn’t know she knew how to turn off the tracking function in her phone.

Fly: …we could buy her a necklace. And tell her it has magic powers.

Ruby: Does it make her invisible? That will be the first question she asks – I promise.

Fly: But the magic necklace would ensure we could find her! No matter where she goes!

*ba-dink*

Ruby: She says the blue house might be a museum.

Fly: I said it helps before…

Ruby: You know of a blue house museum? In this area?

Fly: I’ve driven this stretch before.

Ruby: And you remember a blue house museum?

Fly: It’s not technically a museum.

*ba-dink*

Ruby: Is it the Hannibal Convention and Visitors Bureau?

Fly: Yes. Yes, it is.

Ruby: I’m texting her that we’re going to buy her a necklace…

Fly: Please do. A magic necklace.

Ruby: If I do that, she will ask if it makes her invisible!

Fly: It will make her always visible to you and me. And her parents, if we choose to share the tracking device website login with her.

Ruby: …is that what you were researching online when we drove through Peoria?

Fly: I think I found a good one within a reasonable budget.

Ruby: I’m so scared…wait, what exactly is my wedding band?

Fly: You’ve never wandered across state lines looking for a bathroom that has green tiled floors.

Ruby: I explained that to you. She thought she remembered green tiled bathroom floors in a rest stop near her brother’s house.

Fly: That’s not really comforting.

Ruby: Look! There she is!

Fly: …did she have luggage when she left her home to come to us for dinner?

Ginger: There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why didn’t you drive the black car? Is the necklace really magic or just a trick to put a tracking device on me so this never happens again? A real magic necklace would make me invisible. Or change into any animal I’m thinking of. Or give me mind-reading abilities.

Ruby: We don’t own a black car.

Ginger: ………oh, Ruby. When did you lose the black car?

Fly: When was the last time you ate?

Ginger: About twenty minutes ago, I had some gummi worms.

Ruby: Ginger, is that all you’ve eaten since Friday?

Ginger: No, don’t be silly!

Fly: Good…

Ruby: Wait for it…

Ginger: I had some gummi bears, too.

Fly: Right.

Ruby: When did you pick up the suitcase?

Ginger: Probably in Florida. Or Paris. There was a wrong turn made when the bus driver got lost in my retelling of an episode of Knight Rider. And then I went shopping as long as we were trying to get the bus out of the mud.

Ruby: Right.

Fly: Can we go home now? Please?

Ginger: I bought you presents as a sign of my gratitude for your troubles.

Ruby: That’s very kind of you, Ginger.

Ginger: Here!

Fly: You can have those back, now, Ginger.

Ginger: But I bought them for you in Cairo!

Ruby: I have got to buy you a map…or a globe…or explain how buses work…

Fly: I believe you, Ginger.

Ginger: And so now you’ll accept these lovely owl statues that I bought for you?

Fly: I’m still not onboard with those. They have crazy eyes.

Ginger: I know! They might come to life in the middle of the night and eat the neighbor’s dog!

Ruby: Yeah, you’re going to keep them for us.

Ginger: Did you want a T-shirt that says “Cairo, MO” or one that says “Visit Paris, Missouri” or one that says “Get Me Out Of My Missouri” or—

Ruby: I get the world travel in one state thing now.

Fly: I’m glad you caught on. I was going to have to buy you a map.

Ginger: No need! I can just give you this one. I don’t think I’ll be coming back to Missouri without you anytime soon…

Ruby: Good plan.

Ginger: However, I did learn Canada is an actual country and we don’t have to fly there! We can drive!

Fly: So, Ginger…Ruby and I were talking about buying you a necklace…

Ruby: A magic necklace…

Ginger: Go on…

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