You Argue With Crazy Your Way, Let Me Argue My Way

Ruby: Ginger? Where are you?

Ginger: I’m in here. On the couch.

Ruby: Oh, there you are. What are you doing? We have to go.

Ginger: I’m dying, Ruby. It’s bad.

Ruby: How are you dying? Tell me as you put some non-pajama-type clothing on. The place closes at three.

Ginger: It’s so sweet of you to want me to spend my last moments in life out with people…

Ruby: Uh-huh…here, wear this shirt.

Ginger: In my last hours on earth? Really? I thought the goldish one…

Ruby: Okay, fine, but hurry up. I want to get there before they close. Also, you cannot contract a disease by watching a fictional character on TV die of said disease.

Ginger: Please. Like I’d try to sell that one to you…more than once…

Ruby: Then, how are you dying?

Ginger: My head hurts. I think I have a fever. My neck is sore. A cockroach swore to avenge his father’s murder by destroying me. I’m dying.

Ruby: I thought I blocked WebMD from your computer.

Ginger: You did. That doesn’t stop the cockroach vengeance.

Ruby: Cockroaches don’t vow to kill anyone.

Ginger: When I die of a cockroach vengeance kill, I hope you’ll tell FOX that my dying wish was to bring back Firefly.

Ruby: Absolutely. Put these clothes on while I find your shoes.

Ginger: Do you think the cockroach hit squad will send tiny snipers or just put a bomb in my shower?

Ruby: I think you won’t know until it’s too late. Let’s move, Ginger, the tiramisu at this restaurant is supposed to melt in your mouth…

Ginger: You know, when people on House have my symptoms, they are at death’s door and only Dr. Gregory House can save them.

Ruby: No one on House ever died of a cockroach vengeance kill.

Ginger: …you have a point.

Ruby: Good. Now, here are your shoes, once we get some good food in you, I promise to explain in better detail why your neck is sore because you slept funny, you have a fever because the heat is still on in your apartment and you didn’t open a window today and your headache was because you were dehydrated.

Ginger: Why is that last part in the past tense?

Ruby: Because I’m going to insist you drink water on the way to this restaurant. Let’s go!

Ginger: What about the cockroach hit squad?

Ruby: Oh, I’m not worried about them. They’ll get you eventually, but I signed an agreement with the centipede coalition to ensure my protection. As long as you’re with me, you’ll be safe.

Ginger: …I’m very lucky to have you as my friend, Ruby.

Ruby: Yes. That’s why you’re buying lunch.

Ginger: Did you say tiramisu?

Ruby: I did.

Ginger: What are we waiting for?!


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