Romance Novels Write Themselves

Ginger: People have baffled me!

Ruby: This is…not shocking at all. What happened this time?

Ginger: You know how people blend names to define a relationship?

Ruby: Nope.

Ginger: Yes, you do – Bennifer, Brangelina, ScarJo…

Ruby: Technically, “ScarJo” is one person. It’s lazy reporters who shortened Scarlett Johansson’s name to ScarJo.

Ginger: Oh. That make so much more sense…

Ruby: Anyway. Blended names. Go on.

Ginger: Well, people at the office started doing it, too. Nathan and Ciara are co-leading a project, so they’re calling it Team Natara.

Ruby: …huh.

Ginger: Yeah. It’s like they don’t know what they’re doing.

Ruby: …huh?

Ginger: Natara sounds like the name of a character from a scifi/fantasy novel.

Ruby: You know that not everyone reads those, right?

Ginger: That explains the response to my email…

Ruby: What did you email?

Ginger: It started off with a project update.

Ruby: Be more precise.

Ginger: Well, it’s work-related. I’m not sure I should.

Ruby: If I hear anything that sounds work-related, I’ll stop you.

Ginger: “Natara, the daughter of the high priest, stood tall in her white and silver robes as she watched Commander Dunne approach the dais slowly. Her silver-lilac eyes glinted with controlled anger and her usually periwinkle skin now burned cobalt in her rage, knowing these ‘hoo-munz’ were responsible for the destruction of the Temple of Quarterly Results. She waited with her sisters to hear the sentencing and hoped it would prove to be an appropriate punishment, based on the details laid out in columns L, M, and Q (as the calculations in N,O and P were hidden from view).”

Ruby: Does your mother ever regret teaching you to read?

Ginger: Only when I move.

Ruby: Right.

Ginger: Spoiler alert – Natara and Commander Dunne get it on before the end of the novel.

Ruby: Y’know? I saw that coming.

Ginger: Weird…it’s like we read the same books.

Ruby: So, what was the response from the team leaders to your email?

Ginger: They proved no one in my office reads anymore. They only opened the spreadsheet that was attached and ignored my entire narrative.

Ruby: I’m not sure they ignored it. Maybe they’re still trying to properly respond but fear they’ll fall short when it comes to spontaneous prose.

Ginger: I’m just glad you and Fly never smooshed names.

Ruby: You know “smooshed” isn’t a real word, right?

Ginger: I mean, “Fluby” and “Ruy” just don’t project the right image…

Ruby: You mean like “Ruy” sounds like someone just burned their tongue on hot fudge I was making and is now trying to pronounce “Ruby”?

Ginger: You made fudge?

Ruby: ………

Ginger: Plus, “Fluby” is clearly a slug-like pet that was almost dinner, but the soft-hearted vegan human saved it from the menu and it now chirps disapprovingly whenever he screws up his chances with the high priest’s daughter, but adorably follows Commander Dunne around and even helps him expose the villainous scribe with delusions of grandeur and his plan to invade the ‘hoo-munz’ dimension in order to acquire the brilliant, rare and extremely useful ‘plass-tik.’

Ruby: If I tell you where the homemade fudge is, will you stop writing this awful romance novel out loud?

Ginger: ………………………….yes.


One response »

  1. I must have missed it. I could have sworn that Natara was the cousin of the High Priestess of Hazelnut, Nutella. That must be a different story. 😊

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