Smarter Than The Microwave

Ginger: And then he woke up and there were coffee grounds in a place he didn’t want coffee grounds.

Ruby: In his shoes?

Ginger: …yes. How did you know?

Ruby: Because you have told me that story before.

Ginger: It just makes the coffee grounds smell like shoes…

Ruby: Ginger, what’s wrong with your microwave? It isn’t doing anything.

Ginger: Did you open the door?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Did you close the door?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Did you push the buttons for one minute?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Did you push start?

Ruby: Ginger, I’m not an idiot. I know how to operate a microwave.

Ginger: …did you push start?

Ruby: Yes. I pushed start. And nothing is happening.

Ginger: Did you do the sacred dance to honor the ghost of Faraday?

Ruby: Excuse me?

Ginger: Michael Faraday invented the Faraday cage in 1836. Every microwave has a Faraday cage in it.

Ruby: …I meant I don’t know the sacred dance steps. I know who Faraday was.

Ginger: Oh. You start by—

Ruby: Ginger, let me just stop you there. I’m not doing a made-up dance you will improvise here in your kitchen just to amuse you. I think your microwave is broken.

Ginger: No, it’s not broken. And I’m insulted that you think I’d just improvise a dance you would need to perform for my own entertainment. Let me show you the first step. You just start by –

Ruby: Ginger, I have known you for a long time. You are not going to get me to perform some ridiculous dance. I’m not going to do it.

Ginger: Look, will you stop? I’m just trying to show you the first step! It’s really simple, you just—

Ruby: Just admit your microwave is broken.

Ginger: It’s not broken. The first step is—

Ruby: I’m not doing it! Whatever it is, it’s not happening, Ginger. Are we clear?


Ruby: …why was your microwave unplugged in the first place?

Ginger: If I don’t, then it’s really hard to clean spilled coffee pooling underneath it.

Ruby: Oh. So, that’s the first step in the sacred dance?

Ginger: Yes. Would you like to learn the second step?

Ruby: I’m not sure.

Ginger: It’s more of a rule, in general.

Ruby: Okay, fine. What is it?

Ginger: Don’t put metal in the science oven.

Ruby: I already knew that step.

Ginger: Just making sure. The plug really baffled you for a while.

Ruby: Thank you for that.

Ginger: I do what I can.


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