I Ain’t ‘Fraid of No Ghosts…

Ruby: Fly?! FLY?!

Ginger: I’m packing! You can’t make me stay here! I’m packing and I’m leaving and I’m not coming back here ever again!


Fly: I’m right here – what’s wrong?

Ruby: We have to leave. I don’t care if your medical conference is still going on – Ginger and I are leaving town and we can’t come back here no matter what!

Fly: What did you do this time?

Ginger: ME?! I didn’t do ANYTHING! Your WIFE did it!

Ruby: I didn’t start adding adjectives to the guide’s stories!

Ginger: He sounded like he was incapable of telling a story outside of tax forms! He needed help! I thought…

Fly: Someone needs to start from the beginning or we’re never bringing friends along on medical conference weekends again.

Ruby: I told you he’d threaten that!

Ginger: If he only goes to haunted cities for his medical conferences, I don’t wanna come with anyway!

Ruby: And you’d leave me to the ghosts?

Ginger: You’re a very brave woman, Ruby. I trust you around ghosts more than I would – SALT!

Fly: You trust Ruby around ghosts more than you would salt?

Ginger: The Winchesters always use salt to keep ghosts at bay!

Ruby: I’ll call room service!

Fly: You will NOT! Stop! Everyone stand still!

Ginger: Is it behind me?!

Ruby: I don’t see it! What about me?!

Fly: Both of you –  Sit Down.

Ruby: ‘kay.

Ginger: ‘kay.

Fly: Now. Ruby. What did you two decide to do today?

Ruby: It’s all her fault – she wanted to do a ghost tour of the city!

Ginger: You went along with it! And who knew sunset would be the creepiest time of day?!

Fly: Ginger – your time to speak will come shortly. Ruby – do not place the blame on her. It won’t help you in the long run.

Ruby: Okay. Fine. We asked the concierge what we could do in the city without a car and he gave us a bunch of brochures and one of them had a listing for a guided walking ghost tour starting at the art museum.

Ginger: But you had to call to make reservations.

Ruby: That’s why we texted you, asking if you would be back before nightfall.

Fly: That makes sense now.

Ginger: We were able to get into that group – the one that starts at sunset. But the tourguide was awful!

Ruby: We thought…

Ginger: Every story he told us was predictable, and dragged in all the wrong places and I swear he didn’t know what an adjective was. So…I started putting them in for him.

Ruby: Which was entertaining. So, we started adding sound effects, too.

Ginger: The other people in the group seemed to enjoy the way we were telling the stories–

Ruby: You know how good we are at making each other terrified of our own closets?

Fly: When the Wonder Twins activate powers together, the world should cower in fear?

Ginger: Pretty much. Only, less Form-Of-Water-Based-What-Have-You and more Form-Of-Terrifying-Beast-Thing-From-Other-Dimensions-Who-Are-Attracted-To-Blondes-Named-Susan.

Fly: The tourguide got jealous, didn’t he?

Ruby: Can you blame him? When Ginger gets going, she freaks herself out.

Ginger: And Ruby’s timing is impeccable. She gets the audience just eating right out of her hands and then, just when they think they still have time to fly away, she SMASHES the cage of fright down over them and they’re trapped by their own terror!

Fly: So, what did the tourguide do to you in return?

Ruby: The tour was over and he was thanking us for helping him out…

Ginger: He said he hadn’t been able to tell a good ghost story in a while and that was why he’d switched to the earlier tour set…well…that and…then he shook his head and said “Nothing.”

Ruby: But we pressed him…like the fools we were…

Ginger: And he went on to tell us a horrific story of ghosts in this very hotel!

Ruby: Horrible, horrible ghosts!

Fly: …And this scared you?

Ruby: Well…

Ginger: Um…

Ruby: It…was scarier when the tourguide told it to us…

Ginger: I guess with the lights on it’s not as scary…

Fly: Great. Can we go to dinner now?

Ruby: Yeah…

Ginger: I feel like Buffalo wings…

Ruby: Ooh, those sound good!

Ginger: Right?

Fly: You two go ahead, I’m just going to grab my wallet.

Ruby: Okay…no.

Ginger: Yeah, bad things happen when the group splits up.

Ruby: If you heard the stories we were telling today, you’d know that.

Fly: For the last time, if you make up the ghost story, it’s not real.

Ginger: You don’t know that for sure!

Ruby: Either way, we’re not going anywhere without you.

Fly: Okay. Fine. But we’re not salting the doors and windows.

Ginger: When my imagination kills us all in our sleep, I’m blaming you.

Ruby: This is a genuine concern…

Fly: I’ll tell you what – we can leave the light on tonight. No monsters, ghosts or Things From Ginger’s Imagination can survive in the light.

Ginger: What about the Upside Down?

Fly: The what?

Ruby: She watched Stranger Things this summer. Just include that in the list and we’ll be good.

Fly: Fine. Nothing from the Upside Down can survive in the light, either.

Ginger: That’s not technically—

Ruby: Ginger…the light will stay on tonight.

Ginger: Okay, fine.

Ruby: We’re good.

Fly: Are we ready for dinner now?

Ruby & Ginger: Yes!

Ginger: But we’re still not splitting up the group.

Ruby: Agreed.

Fly: Fine.


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