Yams Are Not Marshmallowy Enough Alone

Ruby: Good morning, Ginger.

Ginger: Ruby, can you remind me how many bags of marshmallows are in candied yams?

Ruby: One. One bag. Only one bag, Ginger.

Ginger: That…doesn’t sound right…

Ruby: How many people are going to eat it?

Ginger: I think three? Maybe four?

Ruby: Okay, well, I guess I can see your concern. Not as many people, not as many yams…how many sweet potatoes are you planning on putting in this dish?

Ginger: One. One sweet potato. Only one. A very small one. Maybe only half of this very small one.

Ruby: …how many bags of marshmallows do you think is needed for that?

Ginger: I was thinking three or four, at least.

Ruby: …three or four marshmallows?

Ginger: Three or four bags of marshmallows.

Ruby: So it’s really more like you’re making sweet-potato-flavored-marshmallows.

Ginger: If you want to get technical…that sounds more like truth.

Ruby: Who is going to eat that?

Ginger: Whoever can stomach it. Did you know they make edible glitter?

Ruby: Ginger, please call your sister and make sure she’s okay with you putting everyone at the table into a diabetic coma before you bring a dish to Thanksgiving.

Ginger: I don’t know if I should do that. She starts asking questions like “what exactly are you bringing” and “how can you eat that” and “where did you think you were going to cook that” and “do you not understand that’s not what a waffle maker’s intended use is” and “when are you going to replace my waffle maker” and “why did you think I wanted a Death Star waffle maker” and it gets uncomfortable when her children side with me on that last one…

Ruby: …are you trying to make sweet-potato-flavored-marshmallows in a waffle maker??

Ginger: That’s an amazing impression of my sister, Ruby! Wow! How did you know she asks that every year?

Ruby: Please…please…please do not bring a dish to your sister’s for Thanksgiving this year.

Ginger: …okay, but what will I do with all these marshmallows?

Ruby: I can take a bag of marshmallows off your hands – I forgot them when I was at the store.

Ginger: Okay, but what do I do with the rest?

Ruby: I think you’ll figure out what to do with two bags of marshmallows.

Ginger: Five.

Ruby: No…Ginger, three bags minus one leaves two.

Ginger: You didn’t count the two bags I bought to eat while making candied yams.

Ruby: Answer me this one question, Ginger, please…

Ginger: Okay?

Ruby: Is your ideal man the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters?

Ginger: …I do love a man in uniform…


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