Sleeping People Do Not Have Coffee

Ruby: Ginger, wake up.

Ginger: Mmf.

Ruby: Ginger, wake up – I’m serious. I’m not driving you to the mall if you’re going to sleep in the car.

Ginger: I can’t be sleeping. Sleeping people do not have coffee. I have coffee.

Ruby: I think you’re talking in your sleep.

Ginger: I love my coffee. It makes me warm and awake and the blue rhinoceros fit into a folder.

Ruby: …yeah, you’re talking in your sleep.

Ginger: That’s no way to talk to a pineapple.

Ruby: I’m not driving to the mall unless you wake up, GINGER!

Ginger: Hmff? What? Are we there?

Ruby: You have to be awake if you want me to drive us to the mall.

Ginger: I’m not sleeping. I have coffee. I told you this.

Ruby: Where is your coffee?

Ginger: …um…I think I left it on the kitchen counter. Can we stop for some?

Ruby: Will you stay awake?

Ginger: I’ve been nearly awake practically this whole time without a few minutes in between.

Ruby: You’re hopeless.

Ginger: If I have coffee, I can be awake. Look – there’s a store! They must have coffee…

Ruby: That’s a cell phone store. I don’t think they have coffee.

Ginger: You’d be surprised.

Ruby: I’m not stopping at a cell phone store for a cup of coffee. You’re going to have to find a store that sells coffee.

Ginger: …there’s one at the mall…? And we’re already pointed in that direction…so…

Ruby: So…you owe me a side trip to the yarn store, you’re buying me coffee and you cannot complain the next time I make you watch Doctor Who.

Ginger: …what if I just stay awake until we get to the mall?

Ruby: You failed that task three times already.

Ginger: In that case, I accept your proposal.

Ruby: Good.

Ginger: …can I go back to sleep now?

Ruby: Only if you want to buy me presents at the mall, in addition to the already agreed-upon conditions.

Ginger: You won’t let me play Christmas music to stay awake! I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit so I can focus on buying Christmas presents for my family!

Ruby: Carry On My Wayward Son is NOT Christmas music!

Ginger: …it’s not?

Ruby: No!

Ginger: …I knew my brother was lying to me…

Ruby: Look, you just have to stay awake for ten more minutes. Can you do that?

Ginger: Let’s play a game! That will help me stay awake!

Ruby: Okay, fine, we can do that.

Ginger: We can play Guess Who!

Ruby: NO. I’m not your sister.

Ginger: Celebrity Guess Who. You guess who I’m thinking of! It’s a celebrity!

Ruby: Nathan Fillion.

Ginger: …you’re good. Okay, I have another one, and this one is gonna be tough.

Ruby: Jensen Ackles.

Ginger: …okay, two points for you. I think this third one is—

Ruby: Christian Kane.

Ginger: Okay, how are you doing that?

Ruby: Ginger?

Ginger: Yes?

Ruby: Just go back to sleep.

Ginger: No – I have one more! And—

Ruby: Chris Evans.

Ginger: I’m going back to sleep. Mind-reader.

Ruby: Summer Glau.

Ginger: Dang it! I thought I had you there…

Ruby: You didn’t.


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