Oh, There You Are, Ruby!

Ruby: Where have you been?

Ginger: Why do you always assume there’s an answer to that question that will result in your curiosity concluding happily?

Ruby: I don’t know. But I always feel compelled to ask.

Ginger: What was your first guess?

Ruby: In order? You were trapped in a Netflix binge watch. You slipped and fell into a wormhole. You went on a spontaneous vacation. You were captured by pirates. You were abducted by aliens. You gave yourself food poisoning and couldn’t move from the floor. Your pizza delivery man proposed to you and you decided you had to go into the Witness Protection Program to avoid him. You were recruited for a secret mission in uncharted space. You were discovered singing in a karaoke bar and signed on the spot to join a new band. You succeeded in luring Nathan Fillion to your home long enough to watch Firefly with him and then the two of you continued talking about it and forgot to come up for air. You gave up, quit your job and moved to a chicken farm in Tennessee. You got the nerve to publish that novel you’ve been writing for the past five years and got caught up in the whirlwind of publishing contracts. You decided to do the Road Trip to Forget on your own and never looked back. You discovered the secret to time travel, went too far into the future and saw the destruction of man and couldn’t return for fear you would never be believed. You gave up contacting me for Lent. Starbucks offered to just let you sleep in the back room so you’d stop scaring the public in your under-caffeinated state of confusion. You were chased by a rogue ladybug into a stranger’s van. You fell into the Upside-Down. You were shrunk by a mad scientist’s shrink ray and living in my kitchen the whole time. You joined a circus so you could get a free ride to the Grand Canyon.

Ginger: …this is probably why Fly says I’m a bad influence on you.

Ruby: Probably. So? Which one was it?

Ginger: …one of those. I think. There were a lot and I lost track somewhere around pirates…

Ruby: But you’re back now?

Ginger: …so far. Can we get some dinner?

Ruby: Yes. What would you like?

Ginger: Anything, really. Except pizza.


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