Green Thumb-Challenged

Ginger: Okay, seriously. How did you do it?

Ruby: Do what?

Ginger: Ha, ha. I get it. You’re clever. But now…how?

Ruby: Ginger, I’m just as confused as I sound. What are you talking about?

Ginger: My plant. Vernacula the Fifth.

Ruby: Did you name your plant “Vernacula the Fifth,” or is this the fifth attempt to have a plant named “Vernacula”?

Ginger: Vernacula is the sixth attempt to keep a plant alive in my home. I couldn’t name the bamboo “Vernacula.” He was named Yangtze because I couldn’t pronounce “green” in Chinese.

Ruby: Of course.

Ginger: Getting back on topic, now, how did you do it?

Ruby: I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

Ginger: Vernacula the Fifth has bloomed. There are tiny flower buds in Vernacula’s leaves.

Ruby: Oh, hey! That’s great!

Ginger: Yeah, except we both know you snuck in last night and replaced Vernacula the Fifth with what is clearly Vernacula the Imposter.

Ruby: No, I didn’t.

Ginger: Fine. You sent Fly to do it. Still. How did you do it?

Ruby: Ginger, we didn’t replace your plant that usually dies within a month and then sits on your kitchen counter mere inches from the sink until it is nothing more than a dry, withered, yellowish crinkly paper-like substance in a flowerpot that says “Bloom Where You’re Planted.”

Ginger: …then how do you explain the tiny flowers??

Ruby: You either found a plant that fought back against your tyranny or you’ve been feeding the plant drops of your blood and will soon start having conversations regarding your quality of life if you feed the plant an entire human being.

Ginger: Or Elle replaced it.

Ruby: Please, whatever it offers you, Ginger, don’t feed the plant.

Ginger: But if I do, then all my dreams of having a guest spot on the Jack Paar show will come true!

Ruby: Ginger…. No.


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