Tragedies and Presents

Ruby: Ginger, I don’t care how much you cry. I’m still not acknowledging a lack of ice cream as a full-blown tragedy.

Ginger: But my freezer is NEVER without ice cream, Ruby! This is the most devastating thing that has happened to me in the past five minutes!

Ruby: I appreciate the fact you’re honest.

Ginger: Well, my mother taught me to be reasonable in little things.

Ruby: That didn’t carry over into the rest of your life?

Ginger: …why would it?

Ruby: No reason. Carry on. Or…actually…don’t…

Ginger: I forgot what we were talking about anyway.

Ruby: Oh, good. Hmm…

Ginger: What is it?

Ruby: This? This is my credit card bill.

Ginger: Oh. They bill you for credit cards?
Ruby: Only when you use them.

Ginger: Oh. What if someone borrowed your credit card to buy something for you?

Ruby: My credit card bill is suddenly making a little bit more sense…

Ginger: Look, you can’t be too mad. It’s a present for you.

Ruby: What is this present, Ginger?

Ginger: Why would you think I know anything about a present for you, Ruby?

Ruby: Probably because you brought it up, Ginger.

Ginger: Maybe I was speaking hypothetically, Ruby.

Ruby: You don’t know how to speak hypothetically, Ginger. You’ve proven that multiple times in the past.

Ginger: Maybe I took lessons, Ruby. Maybe that’s a gift we can all appreciate.

Ruby: I promise I won’t be mad.

Ginger: Ever? That’s a big promise.

Ruby: Just tell me what you bought.

Ginger: Today?

Ruby: Ginger…

Ginger: Okay, first of all? It was not actually my idea.

Ruby: Ginger…

Ginger: It wasn’t my idea!

Fly: Hey, I’m home…what’s…going on?

Ruby: Take a look at our credit card bill.

Fly: …you said you could get to the mail before her.

Ginger: You said you’d remind me because I …don’t remember how you got to it, but somehow over caffeinated squirrels were brought into the conversation.

Ruby: Wait, what?

Ginger: Not literally. He was speaking metaphorically. Or in similes. I don’t remember the exact words he used.

Ruby: No, what is going on?

Fly: I bought you a present.

Ginger: But I got to help!

Fly: I needed Ginger to help pick out the right one.

Ruby: Oh…

Fly: She said she could catch the credit card bill before you opened it so I could pay it before you saw it.

Ruby: Yeah…she agrees to a lot of things when she’s not paying attention.

Ginger: I can do that. No problem. …wait, what?

Fly: That sounds familiar.

Ruby: I hear it a lot, too.

Fly: Your present won’t be here for another few days…

Ginger: I have the tracking number, though. I texted it to you just now when you two were talking.

Fly: Wow, you weren’t kidding…

Ginger: I told you stalking her mail is one of her favorite pastimes.

Ruby: left Michigan yesterday morning at 7:24 AM….

Fly: Did you discuss dinner?

Ginger: No. But we did discuss dessert…which…AUGH! RUBY! I FORGOT TO BUY ICE CREAM!!!! THIS IS A TRAGEDY!!!!


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