The Cap Strikes Back

Ginger: Ruby?

Ruby: Yes, Ginger?

Ginger: I think Captain America is stalking me.

Ruby: I think it’s the other way around, Ginger.

Ginger: Look, look, look – here’s a picture of me at the convention last year – who is that in the background?

Ruby: A man dressed as Captain America.

Ginger: And here, look, my computer desktop? Who do you see?

Ruby: An image of Captain America. Isn’t that a cardboard cutout you placed in the hallway to scare your sister-in-law?

Ginger: Not the point. And look! Here!

Ruby: …those are popsicles, Ginger.

Ginger: Yes. But what colors are they?

Ruby: …Ginger, they’re popsicles. They can be all sorts of colors. Those happen to be red, white and blue.

Ginger: And who else wears red, white and blue all the time?

Ruby: …Uncle Sam.

Ginger: No. Guess again.

Ruby: Homestar Runner.

Ginger: …not who I was thinking of when I posed the question, but yes. But Guess Again.

Ruby: Papa Smurf.

Ginger: …you’re not playing along.

Ruby: Not really. What was your first clue?

Ginger: Why won’t you admit Captain America is stalking me?

Ruby: Because it’s the other way around, Ginger.

Ginger: I don’t think that’s true.

Ruby: Really? Okay. It started with that cutout. You saw that it freaked your sister-in-law out, so you started staging it all over the house until your brother got rid of it – but not until AFTER you took a picture of it. Then you started buying Captain America toys and strategically placing them in your sister-in-law’s bedroom, bathroom cupboards, freezer…

Ginger: Well, he was frozen for 50 years or so. Maybe now he finds it restful…

Ruby: My point is, you’re out there LOOKING for Captain America. Everywhere. So that you can let your sister-in-law know she’s loved and accepted by the family.

Ginger: …so the fact my closet is full of Captain America toys?

Ruby: Those are for future attempts to disrupt your sister-in-law’s sanity.

Ginger: …I guess that makes sense.

Ruby: Can I have a popsicle now?

Ginger: Do you just know all the characters who dress only in red, white and blue?

Ruby: I knew this day would come. I’ve met you.

Ginger: True.


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