Ginger: I enjoy our random road trips.
Ruby: It’s not all that random when you plan it four months in advance.
Ginger: I suppose it’s all in how you look at it.
Ruby: It’s too bad Fly couldn’t join us.
Ginger: I know.
Ruby: He’s very good at reading maps.
Ginger: I can read a map!
Ruby: I know. But…Fly’s very good at reading maps.
Ginger: Test me! I’m very good at reading maps, too.
Ruby: Okay, so, how far will we be on this road?
Ginger: According to the GPS, we have another three miles and then we take exit 33, off to the right.
Ruby: Y’know, reading a GPS isn’t the same as reading a map.
Ginger: But you don’t keep maps in your car since you got GPS.
Ruby: Most people don’t keep maps in their cars anymore.
Ginger: Have you named your GPS lady?
Ruby: Um…no? Should I?
Ginger: Most people do.
Ruby: What would you name the GPS?
Ginger: I think it should be something like Sacajawea, after the Native American woman who led Lewis and Clark to the other side of the nation, only to push them into the ocean once they reached the Pacific Ocean.
Ruby: …I don’t think that’s what Sacajawea did, but I like the concept of naming my GPS after a strong woman role model.
Ginger: Hey, look, that’s exit 33.
Ruby: Yup. It sure is.
Ginger: …weren’t we supposed to take that exit?
Ruby: The GPS would have told us.
Ginger: Um…your GPS is saying “recalculating.”
Ruby: No, she’s not.
Ginger: Not out loud, no, but the screen is saying it…yeah, we were supposed to take exit 33.
Ruby: Rats! Why didn’t she say something?
Ginger: I don’t know…but I don’t think you should name her after Sacajawea anymore.
Ruby: No, I agree, Sacajawea would have spoken up to Lewis and Clark…what’s the next step?
Ginger: Um…it looks like we can take the next exit, make a U-turn, and try again for that road that exit 33 was supposed to be.
Ruby: Okay, I’ll get over…
Ginger: So, if not Sacajawea, should you name your GPS after a slightly less reliable guide?
Ruby: Like who?
Ruby: I’m not calling my GPS Tinkerbell.
Ginger: No, listen. In the original story by J. M. Barrie, Tinkerbell is told by Peter Pan to lead Wendy, John and Michael Banks to the Lost Boys, but Tinkerbell is super-annoyed, so she zips ahead and tells Tootles to shoot the Wendy-Bird, which he does.
Ruby: …Tootles shot Wendy?
Ruby: That wasn’t in the Disney cartoon.
Ginger: No. But it was in the original story.
Ruby: I don’t think I should name my GPS after a fairy that is actively trying to kill me.
Ginger: Why not?
Ruby: I don’t want to give it any ideas.
Ginger: There goes our exit…
Ruby: Oh – why didn’t the GPS say anything?!
Ginger: I think she hates us.
Ruby: Okay, seriously, you’re going to have to find out why the volume isn’t on…did you turn off the speaker or something?
Ginger: No! Look – it says…well, right now it says “Recalculating” and it might be tapping its foot impatiently…
Ruby: We are DEFINITELY not naming it Tinkerbell.
Ginger: Okay, we need to take the next exit – number 36 – and that will bring us to route 696, which, according to the most bloodthirsty and vengeful GPS in the world, will bring us back on track…eventually.
Ginger: Yes. 696 will meet up with 75, which will then loop over to 82, which is where we would have been if we hadn’t missed exit 33 in the first place.
Ruby: So I’m looking for 6-9-6.
Ruby: A parabola.
Ginger: It’s just like 666, only the middle number is upside down.
Ruby: A numeric palindrome.
Ruby: Exit 63.
Ginger: No. Helen Keller said to take exit 36.
Ruby: Helen Keller?
Ginger: I wouldn’t trust her to be my guide.
Ruby: …that’s…that’s mean, Ginger.
Ginger: You didn’t want to call your GPS Tinkerbell, but she’s not speaking to us, so I’m not sure what name you think is a better fit.
Ruby: I don’t know, maybe Dory?
Ginger: You’re the one who can’t remember to take the exits I warn you about!
Ruby: …yes, but the GPS is the one forgetting to tell me when to turn!
Ginger: Here’s your exit – don’t miss it!
Ruby: That’s Exit 36! I’m looking for exit 63, to take 969 to 25 three miles to –
Ginger: TAKE THIS EXIT!
Ginger: …I think I realized why you prefer having Fly here to read maps for you.
Ginger: You think too hard about numbers, so he just tells you when to turn.
Ruby: This is probably true.
Ginger: …are you sure you shouldn’t name your GPS Tinkerbell?
Ruby: That would explain why she only works when Fly’s in the car…wasn’t Tinkerbell in love with Peter Pan?
Ginger: Yeah…which makes you Wendy.
Ruby: Who does that make you?
Ginger: …probably the Never-bird. She’s a crazy bird who –
Ruby: I don’t need more information than that. It really just sums you up there.
Ginger: Oh, really? Well, I am the only one holding a map of any kind who can lead you home and is still currently speaking to you.
Ruby: …I honestly expected you to say you were Captain Hook. Because you want to be a pirate.
Ginger: Yeah, but I don’t have a crocodile stalking me.
Ruby: …don’t you have a vengeful Zom-bee that keeps trying to hunt you down?
Ginger: I’M CAPTAIN HOOK!!!!! ….and take the next exit so we can get home sometime this year.