Ruby: Ginger, what are you doing?
Ginger: O friends gather near, to my tale lend your ears…
Ruby: Put down the guitar, Ginger. You don’t know how to play it.
Ginger: Such a tale of woe brings to eyes many tears…
Ruby: I am so glad we’re not in public right now.
Ginger: This ballad that I sing, tis dreadful to spring…
Ruby: Seriously. Just…stop.
Ginger: This tragedy of dreamers…
Ruby: I’m taking away your rhyme scheme.
Ginger: Tear down the streamers…
Ruby: I’m never telling you anything ever again.
Ginger: Tis Ruby of the Forgotten Creamers.
Ruby: I’m…not listening.
Ginger: What rhymes with absent-minded?
Ruby: Look, Ginger. A chicken. With a halberd.
Ginger: My coffee is black, Ruby. Black. No cream. At all. Halberd-bearing chickens will not make this better.
Ruby: Singing a spontaneous ballad will?
Ginger: You’ll find yourself humming it every time you go to the grocery store now. And you’ll remember.
Ruby: I will give you $10 if you can remember the melody you just made up.
Ginger: I…um…I just don’t feel like taking your money.
Ruby: Yeah. Sure.
Ginger: You are so lucky that Fly isn’t here.
Ruby: Yes. Because he would have helped you write the melody, a harmony and more lyrics.
Ginger: I really just needed help with the lyrics…
Ruby: I noticed.
Ginger: Like an absent-minded chicken, Ruby walked on by the… Hey, is there a creamer brand name that rhymes with “chicken”?
Ruby: I hope you realize that I’m not taking you to the grocery store until you’ve moved on.
Ginger: But my coffee, Ruby. It’s all…coffee-like. Without the creamer.
Ruby: Some people drink coffee black.
Ginger: I am not some people.
Ginger: Does Dunkin Donuts deliver?
Ruby: There’s milk in the fridge. Put some milk in there and add some sugar.
Ginger: …I’m not in Australia. I only drink coffee like that in Australia.
Ginger: Will you talk about Home & Away until my coffee is done?
Ruby: I don’t know what that is.
Ginger: It’s an Australian evening soap…just make up character names and crazy over-dramatic plots and I’ll try to drink fast.
Ruby: Okay. Fine. In the last episode…Mick…and…Sheila…had a picnic on the beach…and…Mick admitted he’s really…a woman.
Ginger: Did Alf know?
Ruby: Alf? The little brown alien from the 80’s?
Ginger: No, no, Alf’s a regular character. He owns a tuck shop near the beach – all the kids hang out there after school and I think he’s the longest running character on the show.
Ruby: Sure, Alf knew. Are you done now?
Ginger: No. Keep going.
Ruby: Yes. Alf knew. About Mick being a woman. Because Alf is…the father of Mick’s baby.
Ruby: Yes. Are you done now?
Ginger: No. Keep going. What did Siobhan do about it?
Ruby: Is that Alf’s wife?
Ginger: I don’t know. I just made up a name.
Ruby: Siobhan was upset. Obviously. So she left the picnic to think about how to respond.
Ginger: I thought Sheila was at the picnic.
Ruby: …so did Mick. But it was really Sheila’s evil twin, Siobhan, trying to drive a wedge between Mick and Sheila.
Ginger: You could totally write for this show.
Ruby: Drink your Australian coffee.
Ginger: I finished that ages ago.
Ginger: Right around the time I told you what Home & Away is. Keep going – this is fun!
Ruby: You have so many issues…
Ginger: What happened next? Did Sheila ever find out about Mick? Will Mick keep the baby? How drunk was Alf when he slept with Mick? Don’t leave me in suspense!